The Diary
by Dyna63
Summary: Booth is organizing the attic and finds a box of Brennan's diaries. Will the temptation to see her thoughts in writing be too much for Booth or will he ask her about them. Rated M because you just never know the direction a story can take.
1. Chapter 1

**This is more of an introduction to see if this is something people would be interested in. I started to re-watch Bones from the start and thought what if Brennan kept diaries and Booth found them. So let me know if I should continue or if I am hitting on something that has been done before, I don't recall any diary stories, but there are so many I could have missed it. **

* * *

Booth was in the attic organizing items. They had been in such a rush when they moved in that lower priority boxes were placed in the attic to be gone through later. They had barely gotten the house done before Christine decided to make her appearance.

Although they had been living together there was still an adjustment. They have given up the security of their own apartments and committed to living together in the house Booth had found. Not only were they making that adjustment, they were adjusting to having a small human in the house that was totally dependent on them for everything. Neither complained, she was the joy of their life, but not that things had settled down it was time to start taking care of all the stuff that had been pushed aside months earlier.

As Booth went through boxes he labeled them and gave them their own spot in the attic so they would be easy to find. He put Brennan's prize rare items in a special room that could be kept under lock and key so they wouldn't get broken by accident.

Booth had cleared oen area of the attic and sat down on a stool with a bottle of water when he noticed a box marked "Private". He didn't remember that box at his house, so it must have come from Brennan's apartment. He sat down the water bottle and pulled the box over to him and pulled the tape off the top. When he opened the box there were multiple small rather expensive looking books with leather covers. He pulled one out and opened it,quickly closing it as he realized it was a diary.

Booth put the book back in the box and pushed the box over into a corner, he would move it to the locked room later. He leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes briefly while he tried to relax and think of whether he should make a run to the rescue mission with donations now or wait until he was finished. He opened his eyes to look at what he had left to do and the donation pile that was rapidly growing when he eyes were drawn back to the box marked "Private".

He shook his head and got up and resumed going through boxes.


	2. Chapter 2

**These are not going to be in any particular order as of yet, just things that grab me. **

* * *

"Hey Bones"

"In the kitchen" she called out to him

"Hey" he leaned in and kissed her. "You know I was going through the boxes we tossed in the attic and I found one marked private. I wasn't sure what is was and I opened it and there are a bunch of …"

Brennan's head snapped in Booth's direction as her eye penetrated him like lasers "My diaries."

"Whoa" he held his hands up in defense. "I didn't read anything, I just picked one up and when I realized what it was I put it back. I only opened the box because I wasn't sure if I had put something in a box …"

"It said private on it Booth."

"And it's still private, I didn't read anything, I just thought you should know I opened the box while sorting through OUR stuff." He glared at her "I could have just taped it back up, but I didn't." He locked eyes with her briefly "I am going to drop off our donations." He grabbed his keys, kissed her cheek a little rougher than normal, and then gently kissed the top of Christine's head before turning to leave.

She looked at Christine "I shouldn't have acted that way." Christine just blew bubbles at her mother and slapped her hands against the tray to her highchair. "But they aret private, you understand don't you."

Christine smiled up at her mother "Da da da da da da da" she said as she bounced in her chair before stuffing a cheerio in her mouth.

Laying her daughter down for a nap Brennan grabbed the monitor and headed up into the attic. She found the box still in the same place Booth had left it. She sank down on the floor next to it. Carefully she opened the box and pulled out the top diary. She slid her hand over the leather cover and leaned back against the wall and opened it to a random page and began reading. As she read a smile crept up her face.

_Dear Diary: _

_I find myself being distracted by Booth lately and today was no exception. A Santa exploded in front of him, causing Booth, himself, to become evidence. As the head forensic anthropologist it fell to me to collect the evidence off Booth, which entailed undressing him. I could have assigned an intern, however my intern for this particular case was Daisy and I didn't trust her to collect Booth's clothing as evidence. She has many times in the past made remarks regarding Booth's anatomy, I didn't feel she would be a good choice to undress Booth, no it had to be me if I wanted it done correctly._

_When I stepped between Booths legs to loosen his tie I noticed he was looking at me strangely, a look I never have seen from him before. I notice him lick his lips like he was nervous, not sure what he would be nervous about. As I leaned forward to make sure I had tie free of the collar of his shirt I could feel his breath on my cheek, causing the sensation of chills that ran down my spine. It was momentarily distracting. When it came to taking off his shirt, I found my hands trembling, I hope Booth didn't notice. I am not sure why the simple thought and/or act of unbuttoning his shirt caused the trembling to occur. I've seen Booth naked before, but today I found I rather appreciated seeing his sculptured body. _

_It was a little awkward when Cam came in the room and found me kneeling in front of Booth while removing his pants. She seemed shocked and said something about mistletoe, I still don't understand what she meant; will have to remember to ask Booth._

_Good night Diary_

* * *

Brennan leaned her head against the wall the smile on her face never leaving. She understood now why her hands trembling when undressing him. They did to this day when she got to remove his clothing while both in an aroused state. _Sliding her hands over his bare skin, feeling his body trembling at her touch and her body in turn responding to the heat rising from him reaching for her drawing her to him…_ She shook her head bring her thoughts back to the here and now.

At one time she had to rely on Angela to help her write erotic scenes, she never understood the connection and passion that Angela was able to created, she didn't believe it existed, she just assumed Angela had a overactive imagination. Oh she had sex; she was able to find partners to satisfy her biological urges. Until Booth she had never found one that she could lose herself in satisfying both her biological urges and her emotional ones too.

She heard the door open and it drew her back from her thoughts. She put the book back in the box and climbed down out of the attic. She continued into their shared bathroom where Booth was standing in only his boxers. She leaned against the door frame as she watched him. He locked eyes with her in the mirror.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just …" She dropped her eyes and when she raised them he had turned around and she was looking directly into his eyes. "I'm sorry"

Booth nodded "It's okay"

"No … it isn't. I know you would never read my diaries. I shouldn't have gotten angry."

He took a step forward, gave her a half smile, "It's okay, really." He leaned in and gave her a quick kiss. "I am going to take a shower, and then we can decide what we want to do for dinner.


	3. Chapter 3

Brennan took a personal day and waited patiently for Booth to leave for work, she had planned on making some progress on her latest book. She had gotten up and cooked him breakfast while he showered.

Booth walked into the kitchen "What are you doing?"

"Cooking pancakes"

"Tha-That's nice of you."

"I can be nice." She smiled at him

"You didn't have to do that ya know. I don't mind cooking breakfast." Booth tipped his head as he looked at her.

"But I can't expect you to do it all the time, especially when I am perfectly capable to making you pancakes."

She dished up some pancakes and handed them to him. He leaned in and kissed her cheek "Thanks Bones"

While she happily cooked away, Booth looked at the small discs in amusement and proceeded to cover them in butter and syrup. "BOOTH!"

"What?" he stopped with his fork poised over the syrupy mess.

"All that butter and sugar isn't good for you. You should put some fresh fruit on it. "

"But that is all part of having pancakes; lathering it up with butter and watching the syrup run down the sides onto the plate.

"I can hear your arteries hardening over here. They will have to insert a small device through your groin and send it up into your artery to inflate a small balloon …" she teased back.

"Way to ruin it Bones." He rolled his eyes at her and pushed his plate away. "I will grab something on the way to work.

"You know…"

"Nooooo I don't want to hear it." He leaned down and kissed her. "I'll see you tonight."

When he got to the door he turned to look back at her "Love you Bones."

"I love you too, Booth."

As soon as he closed the door she listened for his truck to start up and pull out. She listened until she couldn't hear it any longer and then she listened just a few minutes more before she grabbed the porta-crib out of the closet, a small bag of toys and snacks, a blanket, and finally Christine, then she made her way to the attic. She set the crib up and put Christine in it with the toys then made herself comfortable on the floor next to the box.

Opening the box she looked at it for a moment while she remembered the order she put the books in there. She pulled the books out careful to keep them in order. Finally reaching the book she wanted she sat back and rubbed her hand over the cover. She hadn't read these since she wrote them. Opening the page she was both excited and apprehensive about what awaited her.

* * *

_That arrogant, conceited, egotistical bastard had the audacity to have homeland security detain me at the airport so he could pick me. Zach would not put his calls through to me so he used his status to have me detained.. _

_Then the bastard asked me for help on a case, well he didn't really ask he just put it out there as if I was his own personal forensic anthropologist. I can't believe The Jeffersonian allowed me to be handed out like a piece of property. But I have to admit being able to give families closure, especially families of murder victims. The skeletal remains at Arlington were of a female. I pieced her skull back together last night; hopefully Angela will be able to give her a face today for Booth._

Brennan smiled as she read this, she remember this day well. Booth had picked her up from the airport, against her will, and driven her to Arlington Cemetery where skeletal remains had been found in the pond. She remembered well the exhaustion she felt when she was piecing together Cleo Eller's skull. Her walk home the next day only proved to test her endurance. Time changes along with her lack of sleep caused the short walk to seem much longer. The first time she had seen her bed in months, she sprawled her spent body across it. She only had a small amount of sleep when she was awoken to the noise of someone in her apartment. It turned out to be Peter coming to retrieve his TV or so he pretended, when in fact he had shown up wanting sex.

She shook her head, looking back she never understood why her and Peter spent any time together. This is what Angela would have called shopping around. Trying on different people to see how they fit, sometimes you think they fit alright, but as time goes on they begin to chafe, that is what Peter did, he chafed.

She turned her attention back to the book and turned the page

_Booth vouched for me. Cullen said that he had warned Booth not to take squints into the field, but that Booth had taken responsibility for me. He almost lost this case because of me; we had 12 hours before he had to turn over the investigation to another agent. I couldn't let him down, not after what he did for me. _

Tears touched her eyes as she remembered the look on Booth's face when he asked if they knew anything about the real world. He had no knowledge that his look was a knife to her heart. The pain sent her fleeing the room so he could not see his affect on her. HE couldn't let it go he came after her at the shooting range and he pushed more, he cornered her, he attempted to bully her and she lashed out and challenged the alpha male in him. She smiled remembering thinking Booth was a cocky bastard telling her squints didn't solve murders, cops did. She threw is cockiness back in his face, she called him a chicken, told him he was afraid of a man because of his status. "Be a Cop" she spat in his face.

She glanced to the next page which was dated several days later.

_Booth arrested me because I shot the suspect in the case. He was destroying evidence; I couldn't let him destroy evidence, Booth should not have arrested me. I told him he should tell them he made a mistake, but he didn't. He did however arrange to have me released. Booth said that he should do the shooting from now on._

_While I still think he is cocky, he is very good at what he does and he is willing to take me out in the field with him, even after I got him in trouble. I believe a partnership with him could benefit both of us. _

This case turned them into partners; they both wanted the same, to honor the victims, give closure to the families and prosecute the guilty. They had both gained a new respect for each other, her respect of his gut; even if she didn't believe the gut had feelings, and his respect of her science. She smiled as she thought of where this partnership led and all she has learned from it.

She glanced at the sleeping form of her daughter and then her watch, she had a while before Christine woke up, she glanced down at the diary in her hand, she wanted to continue with her trek down memory lane, but realized she needed to work on her book while Christine was asleep. She placed the diary back in the box and opened her laptop. She started typing "Chapter 4 The Diary"


	4. Chapter 4

She lay securely in his arms, her head tucked between his shoulder and his neck, her hand resting lightly on his chest, his arm wrapped around her resting on her waist, while his other hand covered hers on his chest, leaving only the tips of her fingers showing. As she waited for his breathing to signal that he was asleep she looked at their hands. It was times like these that she felt so small, so vulnerable, but not weak, not a victim. As she stared at the calloused hand that held hers close to his heart, she felt protected, something a few years ago that would have agitated her, but now only filled her with warmth.

She thought back to all the times she ignored her hearts attempts to tell her what she refused to acknowledge. The heart palpitations when he leaned in just enough for her to get a nostril or two full of his scent. The dizziness she felt when he would bully her with his much larger body to keep her safe or make her listen to him. The multiple times her knees literally weakened just by him walking into the room. Her first experience was when he walked into her lecture. She had noticed the door to the lecture hall open, but with the lighting she could not see more than a form, then he slowly started to approach and the form started to have detail starting at the shoes and working up as the light opened up what the form hid. She now understands all the signals that her body was trying to send her, but back then she was sure she had some kind of underlying medical issue or rare disorder that was causing everything. She smiled slightly as she remembered arguing with her doctor when he explained she was perfectly healthy and that maybe she should keep track of just when her 'episodes' occurred, was there a common factor that triggered them.

It took her a while to admit that she only had symptoms when a certain Special Agent was around, but she still continued to deny what it was, rather explaining it off with anthropology. She leaned her head back slightly and starred at the profile of the man that had patiently been there all that time waiting while she figured it out. While her eyes outlined his profile, a tiny smile graced her lips, the kind of smile that just appears for no other reason than you are just pleased and happy with what you are watching. While her science would creep back in now and again making her wonder how long her and Booth would last, all she had to do was look at him and know it would be 30, 40, or 50 years.

Positive he was asleep, she carefully slipped from his grasp and from their bed and stood only a moment as Booth readjusted and clenched at her pillow burying his face in it. He had gotten use to getting out of bed at night to use the bathroom or get a drink of water and rarely woke anymore when she did. She picked up the baby monitor and tiptoed from the room.

* * *

Once in the hall she quietly checked on their daughter and then hurried up to the attic where she found her box of memories. She reached inside and grabbed a couple of the books, assuming she had grabbed the same one she had been reading and she headed for the kitchen and a nice cup of tea. She settled back in her favorite reading chair, pulled her lap blanket across her legs and opened the book to a time in their history when she thought her life had ended.

The simple words "He's dead" were all that were written on the page. Her body seemingly became paralyzed as her mind drifted back to that night, the one night she wanted to die.

"_I'm sorry we did everything we could" the surgeon said as he and his fellow surgeon looked at the small gathering of friends. "He just lost too much blood." There was no reaction at first, it felt unreal, Booth couldn't be dead, not Booth, he survived being a prisoner of war, being blown up, being kidnapped, he couldn't be dead. _

_A quick intake of air by Cam as her mouth slacked open and she starred at the doctors in disbelief, then the gasp from Angela trespassed into her brain as it was still trying to process what the doctors said. "You're saying Booth is dead?" she wrapped her arms around her waist, hugging herself fighting to hold her tears at bay, as she fidgeted and looked from one to the other to answer her. _

"_Dr. Brennan, we are truly sorry." _

"_I want to see him!" She straightened her body in such a manner that she was defying them to deny her. _

"_Oh Sweetie" Angela wrapped her arms around her friend "I don't think that is a good idea."_

_The doctors looked between each other "The FBI has taken possession of the body; it is being prepared for transport."_

"_That isn't normal protocol. What about an autopsy?"_

"_I'm sorry I only know the FBI has taken control of his body, it is out of our hands." The surgeon said again before him and his colleague turned and left the small gathering standing in shock. _

_She stood staring at the door the surgeon's disappeared into as the weight of their words started to crash down onto her. Tears running down Cam's face, Angela's head on her shoulder sobbing, Dr. Hodgins hands on Angela's shoulders, his own eyes filling with tears. "Parker, someone has to tell Rebecca and Parker." She shrugged Angela off and started to back away, tears finally escaping her eyes. "I need to tell Parker his father's dead" she turned around only to come face to face with Hacker. _

"_Temperance we are taking care of notifying his family." Hacker held her upper arms as he spoke to her. "Let me have someone take you home."_

"_Thank you Andrew, but I am fine. on my own" she left before anyone could protest. _

_Closing the door to her apartment felt like she was closing a chapter of her life, an unfinished chapter. Booth was dead, her partner, her best friend was dead and she was teleported back in time to when her parents vanished from her life. Leaning against her door her breathing becoming erratic, till the breaths were short gasps as if she couldn't get enough air. One hand still on her door knob and the other wrapped protectively around her mid section she slowly started to sink to the floor as the tears came faster and faster and guttural sounds of pain escaped her lips. She felt as if part of her had been ripped away and there was an indescribable feeling in her chest where her heart resided._

* * *

As she remembered the past she never noticed Booth enter the room. He stopped in shock as he saw tears running down her face. She swiped at the offending tear and then looked up at him with red rimmed eyes. "You died"

"What?" he moved to sit on the ottoman in front of her chair

"You died and left me alone." She held the diary slack in her hands.

Booth glanced down at the words and the date, "Oh Bones" he leaned forward and palmed her cheek. She instinctively brought her hand up to cover his.

"For two weeks I thought you were dead"

"I know" his eyes darted between hers. He knelt down in front of her "I'm so sorry …"

"You made me start believing in things that were against my science" blinking back tears "like love … and then you were gone." Booth closed his eyes and leaned his head against hers. "It hurt; it hurt worse then when my parents disappeared. I worked and I worked and … it kept hurting. It just … hurt. so. bad."

"Bones …"

"What Sweets did was use me as an experiment, correctly assuming I would rationalize everything and he erased everything I learned from you, by not telling me." She lowered her head and shook it slightly back and forth "The thought of never touching you again, never hearing your voice, never …" a sob cut through her throat and she raised her eyes back to his "They say your world turns upside down for three days and then rights itself, but two weeks and it still had not righted itself. Then you were there alive and … and … you were alive and I thought you were dead."

"Baby shhhh, I am here" Booth stood up and scoped her up in his arms, carrying her to the sofa where he sat down cradling her in his lap. He held her trembling body to his and rocked her all the while reassuring her he was fine, they were fine and promising that he was still willing to allow her to hit Sweets if it would make her feel better.

"Hacker knew didn't he? He knew you weren't dead?"

"Yeah"

"Who was on your list?"

"You, Pops, Rebecca, obviously Parker, Jared, and Cam."

"Cam knew?" She tipped her head and looked at him; the pained look in her eyes hurt him more than a knife being twisted in his gut.

"I'm so sorry baby." He reached his hand to cradle her face "I didn't contact you because I thought you knew, I swear if I had known I would have called you."

"You said you were following protocol"

"I was, but I thought you knew. There was no reason to take the chance. I thought you knew." His eyes pleaded with her.

"I don't even remember writing that" she glanced over at the diary lying next to her vacated chair. "I was so angry with you in the days after that" here eyes coming back to rest on his "You took a bullet for me. You died because of me."

"Whoa whoa whoa, listen to me; don't you dare blame yourself, it was my choice." He gently kissed her cheek "you might not have survived and I can't live without you." He kissed her again, lightly on the lips.

She looked at him with a 'are you serious look' "You deduced in seconds that I might not survive being shot so you had to jump in front of the bullet."

"Well no ..." she acted like she was going to say something when Booth intentionally interjected "not finished yet. I deduced that years before that night, that night I reacted to save the woman I love."

"Booth..."

Standing up with her in his arms, he held her for a brief second then gently lowered her feet to the floor "Come on, let's go back to bed, we can discuss this tomorrow. She started to protest and he quieted her with a kiss "Tomorrow Bones" She relented, took his hand and followed him back up the stairs.


End file.
